April 2020 - The Land of Woo

Coronavirus is Forcing Me to Stick with Non-Striving

April 27, 2020by NicoleLeave a Comment

I don’t usually make New Year’s resolutions, so — as I’ve mentioned on this blog — I surprised myself when I made one this year.

It’s one word: non-striving.

Picture of a book lying on its side with the title, LESS. — Photo by **Jess @ Harper Sunday** from **Pexels**

Non-striving doesn’t mean doing nothing or never pursuing your goals. Instead, non-striving is the idea of trying less and being more. I think of it as learning to ignore all of the “shoulds” floating around in my head that weigh me down instead of lifting me up.

In February, I happily adopted non-striving as my official resolution for 2020. Then, as we all now know, the coronavirus hit.

When the order came through to shelter-in-place, my striving mind immediately took charge. I frantically made a list of the projects I was going to tackle. What excuse could I possibly have for not being super productive if I’m forced to stay home?

Well, my striving mind never took into account the fact that I was not only working but also consuming hours of news while checking in on friends and family. Simple tasks, like grocery shopping or pumping gas, suddenly required herculean efforts involving masks or gloves or massive amounts of hand sanitizer. Meanwhile, towns were shutting down, millions of Americans were losing jobs, and thousand were falling ill.

Life in the time of coronavirus is not a time for striving. It is a time to try less and be more.

What does that mean to me?

First, it means being very clear with myself that I can’t “strive” my way out of this situation. I will get myself nowhere by making lists of projects I have no chance of completing while living through a pandemic.

Second, it means being more present to the realities of my daily life. I am trying to be less judgmental of my feelings, which swing wildly from sadness to frustration to happiness to anger. I am focused on being more patient with myself and asking what I genuinely need. Is that feeling hunger or restlessness? Am I anxious or overtired? Am I stressed or scared? Taking a moment to sit with my feelings instead of impulsively reacting to them helps me determine my next best action — which, let’s be honest, sometimes involves eating ice cream and watching Netflix.

I still strive, but in ways that bring meaning, purpose, or joy to my life. For instance, I am committed to keeping my body moving because otherwise, I get antsy and cranky. One way I stick to this is by walking outside while listening to audiobooks that I love. Another way? My friends and I meet up virtually every week to do Zoomba together.

I had no idea when I chose my New Year’s Resolution that a pandemic would sweep the globe, forcing me to stick with non-striving for better or for worse. So far, I’d say it’s for the better. Non-striving is the anchor that keeps me grounded as I face one of the most uncertain times of my life.

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A Little Monday Inspiration

April 20, 2020by NicoleLeave a Comment

When I feel run down or uninspired, I re-read this quote. I keep one copy of it on my desk at home, and a copy of this sticker is stuck on my iPad cover.

I purchased this sticker (actually, two copies of this sticker 🙂 when I was contemplating launching this blog. I was unsure if it should write about the #Woo. I was worried about what people would think, and I couldn’t muster up the courage to share my personal thoughts with the world.

Well, this blog is now well on its way to celebrating its 6-month anniversary. That may not be a huge milestone, but it’s something.

I use this sticker — and its message – as my constant reminder that it’s ok to be scared or unsure, but I shouldn’t let that stop me from trying to live the life I have always imagined.

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Loving Kindness and My Grandmother’s Sunshine

April 18, 2020April 18, 2020by Nicole2 Comments

My grandmother came to visit me today, and it was the most comforting feeling I’ve had in a long time.

My grandmother passed away when I was in college. Her death was sudden and unexpected. For me, it was profoundly painful and sad. She died well before her time, just as I was getting to know her as an adult.

There is so much I loved about my grandmother. She was a meticulous dresser. Her dining room table was always set with the best china, even if we were eating cold cuts on rolls. I credit her for my love of Marie Calendar salad dressing, bread and butter pickles, and using a vegetable peeler to shave pieces of carrots into a salad. She lovingly made clothes for my Cabbage Patch kids, bedding for my doll house furniture, and barrettes in my favorite colors – pink and mauve.

My grandmother had her quirks. She hated air conditioning. She’d always bring a sweater into the grocery store because she despised getting stuck chatting with someone in the freezer aisle. She also had an unexpected sense of humor. When I’d complain, she’d mimic playing a tiny violin.

In her own way, she believed in the #Woo. She read tea leaves, and she would often have nightmares the night before something bad happened.

And today, she came to visit me while my meditation teacher was guiding us through a loving-kindness meditation.

“Picture someone you know, who you love, and who loves you back, and the love between the two of you is uncomplicated,” my teacher instructed us.

Immediately my grandmother appeared.

“No,” I thought. “I can’t picture Grandma. She’s not here anymore.”

But she was very clearly right there.

As we proceeded with the loving-kindness meditation, my grandmother’s presence grew stronger. She was radiant, dressed in the bright yellow belted dress that she wore to my high school graduation. I could feel warmth emanating from her, with a ray of light glinting off her belt buckle.

Suddenly, I could smell her scent, the one that was always so recognizable when she was around. A mix of perfume and makeup and, well, my Grandma. Then, I could feel the smoothness of her skin, the softness of her cheeks. And I drank in her bright, joyful smile.

She didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. My grandmother knew I needed her and there she was — a reminder that in this vast and wild universe, we are all connected, love knows no bounds, and we have support even from those who we think may have “left” us many years ago.

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#WooWoo Wednesdays: Daydreaming

April 15, 2020by NicoleLeave a Comment

The other day I was scrolling on my phone when an alert popped up, reminding me to daydream. My husband saw it and was so excited.

“You schedule time to daydream? He asked. “That’s great!”

“Yes,” I said. “The only problem is that I suck at it.”

Photo by **Asad Photo Maldives** from **Pexels**

My husband is an fantastic daydreamer. If daydreaming were a job, he’d be the CEO of Day Dreamers, Inc. He is constantly daydreaming, no matter how grand or big or outlandish the dream is.

These are adventures we’ve enjoyed because of my husband’s unrelenting daydreaming: Chased the northern lights in Norway. Spent our 10th anniversary in the Maldives. Skied from Switzerland into Italy to enjoy a leisurely Italian lunch. Sipped champagne in Champagne. Watched the 2017 total eclipse in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.

It’s all because he dreamed of these adventures, believed they could happen, and he made it so.

Daydreaming has never come naturally to me. I grew up with parents who were firmly rooted in reality, and my default mode is always, we can’t. My husband’s default is always, how can we?

This rooted-in-reality mindset can make the #Woo challenging. So many teaches of the #Woo preach the virtues of daydreaming. It raises your vibe! It makes your dreams feel like reality! It helps you stay on the path to achieving your goals!

So, why do I shrug it off? Why do I ignore my 4 pm reminder day in and day out?

Because I tell myself I’m too busy, I’m in the middle of something, or I’ll do it later. Because I have trouble translating my goals into a vivid, uplifting, lifelike daydream. And because I’m worried that at the end of the day I’ll fail and I’ll never reach my dreams.

Then I remember my husband. If it weren’t for him, I would have never seen the power of real daydreaming, or understood how switching my mindset from “we can’t” to “how can we?” absolutely changes everything.

Perhaps he is my reminder from the #Woo that there really is power in daydreaming and that it’s time to get serious and stop swiping left on my daily daydreaming alert.

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So It Happened. I Lost My Sh*t.

April 14, 2020by NicoleLeave a Comment

This weekend marked four weeks of shelter-in-place, and the 30-day mark finally broke me.

Photo by **freestocks.org** from **Pexels**

It was inevitable that I was going to lose my sh*t at some point and that some point was Wednesday. That’s when I started to get annoyed. At EVERYTHING. Every little thing my husband said or did. Every news article I read. Every email or text message I received. Every dust bunny accumulating on my floor. Every cloud blocking out the sun. Every meal eaten at home. Every damn loading and unloading of the dishwasher. Don’t get me started on the handwashing.

As Wednesday progressed, nothing could make me feel better. Not meditation. Not food. Not talking to my husband. In fact, I didn’t want to talk to him. Every time he opened his mouth, I wanted to scream. I jumped on our elliptical to work out my rage, and even that enraged me. I suddenly hated that elliptical beyond all reason.

All I wanted was one of my favorite drinks to soothe me.

A perfectly brewed iced tea with honey. An iced coffee with almond milk from my favorite coffee shop. A glass of white wine from the fridge. A homemade Aperol Spritz.

But right now, I can’t have any of those things. For health reasons, I am on a low acid diet. That means I cannot drink coffee, black tea, caffeine, or alcohol. If I do, it gives me a massive sore throat.

Hence Wednesday’s rage. I’d reached my breaking point. I just wanted a drink that I knew would soothe me, and I couldn’t have it. And I was PISSED.

I paced back and forth in the kitchen as my husband watched me. I felt twitchy and slightly like a caged animal. Finally, I declared I was going to do a deep clean of our master bathroom.

It may sound crazy, but at that moment, cleaning the bathroom was the only thing I could think of that didn’t make me want to pull my hair out.

I grabbed paper towels, cleaning supplies, the vacuum, and I headed upstairs. I cleaned our bathroom as if my life depended on it. I scrubbed the toilet, I scrubbed the floor, I scrubbed the shower tiles. I Windexed and re-Windexed the bathroom mirrors after my environmentally friendly faux-Windex failed to do the job. I removed everything from the vanity countertops and wiped those down until there were no longer any traces of water spots or errant specks of toothpaste.

I expended as much energy as possible as humanly possible cleaning that bathroom, until I started to slowly unwind.

I could feel the tension drain as the bathroom began to look “normal.” No more ring around the toilet, splatters on bathroom mirrors, or gunk collecting behind the faucets. It calmed me to know this task had a very clear beginning, a middle and an end. And the reward for finishing the job was instantaneous. Unlike everything else in life right now, cleaning the bathroom presented no ambiguity, and it wasn’t complicated. It just was.

I have to say I never thought cleaning a bathroom could bring me salvation. But on Wednesday it did.

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#WooWooWednesdays: Relaxing is an Art and a Science

April 8, 2020by NicoleLeave a Comment

I am not a lower back pain kind of person. At least, I wasn’t until I experienced a horrendous travel experience at Christmastime, and my lower back suddenly spasmed while waiting in line at a customer service desk at SFO.

It hasn’t felt right ever since. Yes, I’m doing Kegels, which are helping, but the pain remains. So I decided to search for a back pain book I purchased in 2013: 8 Steps to a Pain-Free Back. I bought the book after The New York Times called its author, Esther Gokhale, the “Posture Guru of Silicon Valley.”

I wish I’d read the book 7 years ago.

When I started reading the book last week, I immediately loved Esther’s approach. It’s not conventional, but neither is she. Esther developed severe lower back during her first pregnancy. She needed back surgery, which was ultimately unsuccessful. Finding no solution to ease her pain using traditional techniques, she decided to develop her own. (This story sounds very familiar to anyone who explores the #Woo).

Esther’s Gokhale Method is built on the idea that those of us who live in industrialized countries do not know how to properly use our bodies, causing an epidemic of back pain. She believes we can change that if we simply learn how to move our body correctly — as nature intended and as many indigenous cultures still do today.

Her approach had me hook, line, and sinker, so I jumped into Lesson #1: Stretchsitting. Stretchsitting teaches you how to stretch your spine while sitting to protect your back and avoid compressing your discs. It’s harder than it sounds, and I couldn’t quite master the steps.

Then the #Woo stepped in.

I was scrolling through my email and saw a message from The Gokhale Method. Esther was going to be offering an online introductory course! For free! In two days! And it was going to focus on stretchsitting! YES!

Two days later, I joined the course, and Esther very clearly and slowly taught us how to stretchsit. She also taught us how to properly roll our shoulders back to open up our chests without straining the spine, neck, or shoulders.

“Go slowly, go slowly,” she kept cautioning us.

Then she said something that struck me: “Relaxing is an art and a science.”

I immediately stopped my shoulder roll to write that down. The phrase stopped me in my tracks because it is so true. We all seek quick fixes when it comes to pain management and relaxation. When we pencil in time for “relaxation,” we expect it to be instantaneous, brought to us by a massage, a drink, our favorite food, a book, or a pill.

But as I explore the #Woo, I’m learning that relaxation is a mindset that requires practice and patience. You have to teach your mind and your body how to relax. We aren’t very good at it. Why? Because just as no one teaches us how to properly use our body to protect it from injury, no one properly teaches us how to use our minds to coax our bodies into relaxation.

That is why I love this #Woo journey. I am constantly learning about our body’s remarkable and innate ability to heal and care for itself. All it takes is finding the right #Woo teachers to show us how

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#TheTeaTalks: Compassion

April 2, 2020by NicoleLeave a Comment

My tea obsession is going strong amid this coronavirus outbreak. I find tea soothing, and on cool days, it’s keeping me warm as I hunker down at home.

I love reading tea bag labels, and today, the label is spot on:

Let’s be honest. All of us, at some point, are going to loose our sh*t and act horribly during this lock down. We might act horribly to our family and friends or to ourselves. This is almost inevitable given the heightened stress we’re under, and the lack of our old daily routines, which helped keep us grounded.

But we aren’t always going to act horribly.

For those times when we have our sh*t together, we can try to remember to act with compassion. Because, as the tea says, when we do we will never be wrong. And these days, it’s the little things that really, really count.